Untangling Perfectionism: An Art Therapist in Denver on How to Understand and Work With This Protective Part

Perfectionism often hides in plain sight—as over-functioning, overthinking, self-criticism, or burnout. In a culture like the United States that prizes productivity, perfectionism can even be mistaken for a virtue (I’ve definitely listed it as a “strength” in job interviews). But for many, especially those who experienced childhood trauma, perfectionism began as a survival strategy—a way to feel some control in an unpredictable world.

It’s also deeply gendered. Women and mothers are often held to impossible standards of who they should be—what the “perfect woman” or “perfect mom” looks like, acts like, and feels like. In motherhood, this pressure intensifies into the myth of the mother who does it all with a smile, never complains, and is endlessly selfless. It’s exhausting, unrealistic, and deeply isolating.

As a therapist in Denver, I support clients in unpacking perfectionism through Internal Family Systems (IFS) and art therapy—offering compassionate tools to understand, soften, and relate differently to this part of you. This blog post is your gentle invitation to begin that exploration—free from shame, full of curiosity.

How Perfectionism Starts (From a Therapist in Denver Who Gets It)

Perfectionism usually doesn’t come out of nowhere. It often starts in childhood, especially during times that felt confusing, unpredictable, or overwhelming. As a therapist in Denver, I often work with people who learned to be "perfect" as a way to feel safe or gain approval.

Maybe your parents divorced when you were little, and you felt like you had to be extra good to keep the peace. Or perhaps you grew up in a home where love felt conditional—where being helpful, successful, or easygoing seemed to earn you the most approval. You might have been exposed to the pressures of social media at a young age, absorbing harmful messages about your worth and body. Over time, these ways of coping can become second nature—even if they eventually begin to weigh you down more than they help.

The Connection Between Perfectionism and Early Relationships

As a therapist in Denver, I often help clients explore how their early relationships shaped their perfectionism. There’s actually a whole area of psychology called attachment theory that helps explain this. Researchers John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth found that the way a child bonds with their main caregiver (usually a parent) lays the foundation for how they relate to themselves and others as they grow up.

If that bond wasn’t consistently safe, loving, or dependable, it can create an “attachment wound.” And sometimes, perfectionism grows from that wound. It becomes a way to try to earn love, avoid rejection, or feel like you matter. Perfectionism is a protector.

Why Perfectionism Follows Us Into Adulthood

Perfectionism doesn’t just disappear as we grow up. As a therapist in Denver, I’ve seen how these patterns can become so deeply ingrained that they start to feel automatic. Our nervous system feels best choosing the path of perfectionism because it feels safe here. Even when we know perfectionism is causing us stress, it can feel like the safest, most familiar way to cope with the world.

Think of it like a well-worn path in the woods: it's the route you know best, so it’s the one you keep taking—even if there are better, healthier paths nearby. Choosing a new path can feel unfamiliar or even scary, especially when we’re unsure what’s waiting around the corner.

What Perfectionism Can Look Like as an Adult

In adulthood, perfectionism might show up as:

• Constant striving or burnout

• Inability to rest without guilt

• People-pleasing or difficulty setting boundaries

• Fear of failure or judgment

• Low self-worth masked by overachieving

These behaviors often mask deeper emotions like shame, fear, grief, or vulnerability. For many women—especially mothers—these perfectionist parts can become even more activated during major life transitions or moments of overwhelm. Why? Because uncertainty is stressful, and our nervous system often falls back on old coping strategies from earlier in life—even if they no longer serve us.

Maybe you’re a new mom trying to "get it all right," so you rage-clean your house just to feel a sense of control. Or maybe you're in midlife, burned out and switching jobs, hoping the next one will finally quiet that inner sense of not-enoughness.

What if, instead of pushing that part of you away, you turned toward it with curiosity and compassion? That’s where Internal Family Systems comes in.

The IFS Lens: Meeting the Perfectionist Part With Curiosity

Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, is a therapeutic approach that views each person as made up of many different “parts.” These parts interact like an internal family—each with its own story, purpose, and role in helping us cope with life. With practice and support, we can learn to relate to these inner parts in a more compassionate, curious way.

IFS With a Therapist in Denver

As a therapist in Denver who integrates IFS into my work, I often guide clients through questions like: How long has this part been doing its job? What is this part afraid would happen if it didn’t work so hard? What does it need from you right now?

From an IFS perspective, perfectionism is just one part of you—not all of you—even if it sometimes feels like it takes over. Over time, therapy can help you get to know this part and understand what it truly needs. The goal isn’t to get rid of the perfectionist part, but to approach it with kindness and curiosity. Sometimes all a part needs is to be acknowledged.

Art Therapy in Denver as a Way to Connect With Your Perfectionist Part

Sometimes, it’s hard to understand your perfectionist part just by thinking or talking about it—especially if it’s been in charge for a long time. If you're used to listening to the inner voice that pushes you to be perfect, slowing down enough to relate to it differently can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable. As a therapist in Denver, I’ve found that art therapy offers a gentle, creative way to explore this part of yourself—especially when words fall short.

Art Therapy in Denver Invites Curiosity

Through art-making, you can give shape and expression to the perfectionist part, allowing it to have a voice outside of your mind. Creative expression can open the door to insight and self-awareness that may not be accessible through talk therapy alone. When clients externalize these parts—seeing them on the page or in a piece of art—it often becomes easier to meet them with curiosity and compassion.

This process creates space. Rather than rejecting or silencing the perfectionist part, art therapy allows you to understand its story, recognize the role it has played in your life, and begin to gently loosen its grip. With time, this opens up the possibility for new, more balanced ways of being.

Gentle Creative Prompts to Explore Perfectionism: From an Art Therapist in Denver

If you’re feeling curious about your perfectionist part, art-making can be a soft, supportive way to explore it. Below are a few gentle prompts to try at your own pace and comfort level. These creative invitations are meant to encourage reflection, not pressure. Let them meet you where you are.

As a therapist in Denver who specializes in art therapy, I want to gently remind you that while creativity can be incredibly healing, these exercises aren’t a substitute for professional therapy. Art therapy is a powerful, evidence-based approach facilitated by a trained and licensed art therapist.

• Prompt 1: Draw or collage your perfectionist part.
  What shape, color, texture, or image comes to mind when you think of this part of you? Don’t worry about making it look “good”—just notice what shows up on the page and how it feels to express it.

• Prompt 2: Write a letter to your perfectionist part.
  What might you want this part of you to know? What questions might you have for it? See if you can write from a place of curiosity and care, rather than criticism.

• Prompt 3: Play with making “bad art.”
  Let yourself break the rules. Use the wrong colors. Make messy marks. How does it feel in your body to create without trying to get it right? What emotions or sensations come up?

These small acts of creative exploration can help you begin building a relationship with the perfectionist part of yourself—one that’s rooted in understanding rather than judgment. Remember, you don’t have to do it perfectly. Just begin.

For even more prompts and guidance, be sure to download my FREE Therapeutic Art Guidebook.

There Is a New Way Forward

When perfectionism flares up, try to meet it with compassion. It’s simply a well-meaning part of you, doing its best to help you feel safe. The good news? You don’t have to stay stuck in the cycle. Just noticing this part is a powerful first step toward healing.

Find Healing with an Art Therapist in Denver

As a therapist in Denver who specializes in art therapy and IFS, I help women gently explore their perfectionist part as a way of better understanding their internal family. Together, we create space to uncover what’s underneath, tend to old wounds, and rebuild self-worth that isn’t tied to doing everything perfectly.

You don’t need to be fixed—just reconnect with the self you’ve always been. If this resonates with you, I invite you to schedule a free clarity call and explore what working with an art therapist in Denver could look like for you.